I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
