Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My breasts were aching with rage.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
