The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
