I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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