Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
