This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
