I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize