News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
