May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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