Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
