Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
