My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
