my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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