Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
