Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
