i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize