He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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