toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
