Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
