dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
