There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
