So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
