My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
