I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
