The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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