This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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