On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize