I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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