please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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