Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
