He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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