She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize