Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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