Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize