Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
