two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
