I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
