i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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