Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
