I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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