wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is the high leading the old right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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