Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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