If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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