You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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