Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
