Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
