We won't sleep together?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
