he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ttyl tear gas
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
