If i come over, it means nothing
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
