Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If that was your dad, he is hot
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
