porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
