this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
