I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
