i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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