I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
