Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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