just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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