what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
