FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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