throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
