Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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