You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this is an emotional support booty call
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize