No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
