The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
