i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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