He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize