I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
