Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
