"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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