Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
last night I used snow as a chaser
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
