you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
