he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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