i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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